“You’re rich, bro” – I ran to the Art Museum to do the Rocky steps for 20 minutes of exercise. I brought two dollars in case I wanted to get water from a local vendor. After the work out, I was sweaty and the dollars were too. This could be an issue. I walked over to a guy and asked, “how much for a water?” Naturally, he picked $3 unknowing I only had $2.
“I only have $2.”
He looks me up and down and says, “you’re rich, bro.”
“Well, it’s your sale, I only have $2.”
He agreed and I gave him the sweaty money and sprinted away.
“Spending all day with you, I wanted to get hit” – 2 meth heads were crossing the street, a guy and girl. I’m at the red light stopped when these two roll up and the guy keeps walking through the red light. He must have taken 5 steps into the street and a car starts blaring their horn as they are coming through the intersection. He stops and the girl says, and I’m paraphrasing, “you fucking idiot, you almost got hit.”
“Spending all day with you, I wanted to get hit.”
“You and your partner” – Jeff and I ate at a local breakfast spot in Newtown before Sam’s wedding. There was a woman there who I’d guess was my age and checked us out, mostly literally at the register, but probably figuratively as well. We told her we moved to the neighborhood and we’d be seeing her again because their service, food, and atmosphere were pleasant. I return a week later and eat by myself. At the checkout, she says she remembers me from last time when I ate with my “partner”. What the hell does that mean?
Reading into it
The first guy telling me I’m rich is bizarre. Because I’m white? Relatively tall? Skinny? Wearing Nike and Altra shoes? A sales tactic to get me to pay the extra dollar? I have no clue what he was going on to say I was rich but it caught me off guard because I am indeed loaded…so nice call.
The meth head should have gotten hit. I could’ve pushed him. People in the suburbs don’t realized there is a heroin addict who sleeps on my street in Northern Liberties. This ain’t Hampsterdam. Clean this shit up. At least his sense of humor (he wasn’t kidding) is still there.
This is the world we live in. She either thinks we’re gay or she didn’t want to offend me so she offered up “partner”. Why wouldn’t she say friend? I don’t get it. Even, I remember you and that other guy. Partner seems more presumptuous than all others and even more disrespectful.
So the checkout girl should have borrowed from the street vendor, looked you up and down, and confidently proclaimed, “you’re gay, bro”. Maybe she assumed because last time you were there, you accompanied the Stortz Tools pineup model extraordinaire. I agree there’s plenty of other things to say, maybe she was fishing by throwing out an absolute, leaving you the opportunity to correct her, which she’d reward you with her number or IG. Being considered gay is a compliment; they’re generally fit, stylish, overall well put together, and usually a Democrat.