At age 27 it seems like my body is hanging on by a thread. What ails me?

• L5 Vertebrae – My stress fracture from almost 7 years ago still lingers. I fully expect this slip one day and kill me.
• Right middle finger – It’s somehow infected (or so my doctor friends say). This would be a problem in the bedroom if you know what I mean but fortunately I’m not getting any lately so it’s fine.
• Left wrist Eczema – I think it’s from my watch rubbing on my skin while running so I just keep scratching it.
• Extra teeth – I’m just waiting until they strike a nerve and paralyze the left side of my face forever.
• Eyes after LASIK – A whole post will be dedicated to this but my 104 week warranty was poorly timed as on week 105 my right eye got slightly blurry.
• Right Leg – I had an MRI saying no damage but it’s a constant battle of ‘how much can I run before this ruins everything?‘.
• Right Achilles – It’s sore almost all the time and doesn’t warm up until a mile or two into every run.
• Melon’s attacks – This is ongoing and I’m not sure if this is preventable.
• Worse hangovers – If I even sniff hard alcohol there’s a 50/50 chance I throw up the next morning.

Someone tell me this is just temporary, right?

This can’t be my state of existence (or worse) for the rest of my life, right?