What’s it like to be 36 and single? Did I see myself with a family at this point in my life? Did I plan my life or did I let my life come to me? Did I value self growth over a relationship? Can’t you do both? I’ve matured to the point that I can write this post and not feel one iota of guilt or shame because I’m 100% honest in life.
I’m a functional alcoholic. I’ve dealt with binge drinking since I was 18 and still deal with it today. Some people can have a drink or two and cut it off. I drink until I can’t drink anymore. I’ve read people do this because they are suppressing emotions. That’s not me. I drink because it loosens inhibitions and enables me to do things I wouldn’t ordinarily do. I find life without alcohol boring.
When I was in Barcelona my mom asked, “why do you need to drink?” I said because it’s what makes me stay out to 3 in the morning at the Irish pub talking to random girls and enjoying it. It’s not that easy when you’re sober. I don’t know what else there is to life outside of having fun. I know you can answer family to this one. Also, if you enjoy going to sleep early and working the 9-5, good on you mate. That’s not what I was born to do. There’s nothing wrong with any lifestyle I must add. Pros and cons to every decision.
Alcohol has brought me much pain. Emotionally where you must apologize for actions you’re not even sure you’ve done and physically with more stories than I can write about. I would never tell anyone that alcohol is the path of success. It’s the furthest from the truth. It’s a crutch in social situations and damaging in many others.
Somehow through it all, I’ve grown into a dynamic human being. How have I done this if I’m an alcoholic? Good question. I learned how to interact with people. It sounds silly but I can look you directly in the eyes and talk to you as a human being. I spent time reading communication books and have the ability to care about what the other person is saying.
I believe in the core. What the make up of a person is more important than the idiosyncrasies. Do they listen? Do they talk too much? Can they key in on what’s important? These are simple operations that most people don’t understand. I sense this quickly after 15 years of business experience and dealing with 1,000’s of people. I match with girls in these dating apps and within the first 10 sentences we aren’t on the same page in life. One girl was showing me this roof in Guatemala because she knew I sold roofing tools. Nice try but I smell bullshit a mile away because I don’t give a shit about a roof. So once you nail down communicating with people, money, and your own health, then you start asking the real questions and this becomes a hamster wheel.
There’s a void that money, friends, and life doesn’t fill for me. Get a girlfriend they say. I refuse to settle with someone I don’t think shares the same means of thinking I do. That would be more tortuous than a life of self growth. So what are you supposed to do? If you don’t read this post and ask yourself this question you might as zombie walk into your grave. I don’t have the answer. I waste time making money and getting drunk. This is no saint’s task. I have ideas that I’d have to share in another post but keep asking that question. And watch Bojack Horseman. That’s a good show about life.