My mom made me peanut butter sandwiches for lunch in elementary school. I was a crunchy guy. Creamy lacked pizazz and jelly was slimy. Just white bread and peanut butter. These were my favorite.

I’m sitting in the dentist chair last Monday preparing for a cavity filling. The dentist comes over and starts talking NFL with me while he’s prepping my mouth with Novocain and I hear a stomach growling. Phil Collins is playing in the background and I was confused because I couldn’t tell if it was his stomach or mine. Then he gives me another “pinch” and I was certain it was his stomach. It’s 3:30pm and I’m thinking this guy hasn’t eaten lunch yet. I’ve evolved to eating a Jewish hoagie that Monday and my dentist can’t afford a sandwich.

I ate a late breakfast yesterday around 9am. I backed out of a golf round at 8am earlier that day because my left nostril was clogged early in the morning and I immediately assumed I’d caught Covid. I didn’t get tested but I’m fine. Anyway, that’s why I had a late breakfast and that pushed my lunch to around 2pm. That was a weird time to eat because what was I going to do about dinner? There was going to be that time after 7pm where I’m starting to get hungry but I know eating before sleeping is a ticking time bomb. I go looking for food and I see a jar of Skippy crunchy peanut butter. I prefer Jif. It was unopened. When did I purchase this? It had to have been over a year because I had never made a single peanut butter sandwich in recent memory. I wonder if the dentist would have ate a peanut butter sandwich if I offered it to him? Sure it would be weird if I carried around sandwiches but I can’t stop thinking how the guy had a growling stomach at 3:30pm? That’s not a time to have an empty stomach. Plus, I was curious if he was a bit embarrassed about his noisy stomach or if it’s one of those deals where you fart around someone who you barely know and know they aren’t going to call you out on it.

So, I got a spoon, opened the jar, took a heaping spoonful, ate an entire scoop, and put the jar away.