If You Shake it More Than Twice…

Going to the bathroom as a male is easy. There are usually 2 or 3 urinals, you whip out your pecker, and you take a piss. The only issue is when you’re taking 4 seconds on a 6 second piss and you let the last 2 seconds stream down your leg. Then you’ll need Calico Cut Pants.

When you’re watching a game and it’s half time, all the plebs get up to go to the bathroom (experts go at the 2 minute warning), and then you’ll encounter a crowded bathroom. If you’ve been drinking, stage fright is rarely an issue. However, Frankfurt Hall has troughs, and it’s weird when you’re basically touching shoulders, with no barrier, and schlongs are out trying to pee, especially if you’re only 60% ready to go. This leads to trying as hard as you possibly can and it’s really awkward to stand there for a minute with nothing coming out, whip it back in, and act like nothing happened. This is the opposite when you’re tailgating and you have to go so bad that you can basically crouch in between cars and let it flow.

ANYWAY, I got sidetracked and will get to the point of this post. When there are two urinals, and 1 is taken, the biggest beta move is to use the stall. I know Sam pees sitting down, but 99% of the people out there don’t. By electing to bypass the urinal because you’re afraid to pee next to someone is below stage fright on the pee hierarchy scale. But isn’t it gay to pee next to someone if there is another option? I’d argue it’s homophobic not to pee next to the person. Times are very tricky nowadays that you don’t want to get this label for conflicting issues. One caveat, it’s common knowledge when the urinal is one of the smaller ones for kids, you’ll be called out for having a shrimp dick if you use it. This is a bit counter intuitive because if your penis is small, it would make less sense to hit the urinal from further away, but hey, I don’t make the rules. Now, there are some bathrooms that are unbelievably tight where you won’t want to piss next to someone if there is no divider. There are some exceptions to this bowling out and using the stall rule, but remember this post next time you pee not to choose the stall. Personally, I prefer the divider, It makes like easier but I will not shy away and run and hide. That is a cowards approach.