This bachelor party was filmed on location with groom to be Jordan and the boys . All suspects are found innocent until proven guilty in the court of law.
Let’s jump right into arriving in New Orleans at 1001 Rampart. Brett and Sam procured some beer and groceries and we got right to it. A Tito’s shot to start the trip moved us into the French quarter where we listened to a scraggly band and drank Rum Runners. Remember that New Orleans had been battered by the hurricane and was only starting to get power back which left a few less options than normal. We found a restaurant that was desperate enough to seat 12 drunks and had a meal. I got the jambalaya which was well done and left me satisfied. This leads us to the first incident of the night which occurred during “the race”. I can’t recall exactly how it came up but Sam, Lentz, Wiseman, and myself decided to test speed down a vacant road. The race got off where I was already looking over my shoulder at my competitors and before I knew it, Wisemen hit the pavement. Damaged, but not dead, he nursed his wounds and we headed back to spot.
I’ll touch briefly on where we stayed for historical value. The first place that was booked roof had caved in during the hurricane so they moved us to a bigger location that slept 26. There was a huge living space and tons of bedrooms where I believe most people had their own room. It was ideal for us as it allowed us to congregate in one central area without it being too crowded.
I digress to the story and the TB / Dal game started with me correctly calling the Chris Godwin 1st score (unfortunately I only benefitted as I told no one but Evan). We played some pong and got ready to head out to Bourbon St. I’m going to know none of the bar’s names so all I can say is we found some live music and a big screen showing the game. We must have spent 2 hours watching this band perform where Jordan’s My Pony on stage stole the show (there is video) and Sam was also raging to Killing in the Name Of which is always a blast. Sam was getting annoyed at me for asking him if this was “pushed back” (it was “slicked back”).This next paragraph will be selfish but it’s noteworthy to the story and can’t write about anything anyone else was doing.
The group parted ways at this point and I found myself meandering around in a drunkish state looking for nothing in particular. I stopped at a place called the Ghost bar from 12:04 to 12:54. How do I know this? My phone tracked my location. Things get a bit more interesting leaving this bar as I believe I was going home. Unfortunately I overshot the place and ended up in no man’s land. Jeff told me before we left not to be anywhere by yourself. I disobeyed and ended up being the target of a robbery. Fortunately I was unharmed but the thief stole my phone out of my hand and ran off. I eventually found my way back and went to sleep at 3am. I’ll leave the story at this point as there is more to tell as I learned more. Here was my route home.
I woke up and suspended my now lost phone and felt the only way to continue on was drinking some more. We started playing Tap Out which became a game of choice. At some point I tapped at around 2pm only to wake back up to get ready for the fancy dinner we reserved space for. Everyone is looking as good as they possibly can and we arrive at a nice restaurant with a big table in a white room and no music. I’m not sure what we were expecting but the establishment did a tremendous job with service and the food was delicious. Let us not forget Lentz ordering a round of Tequila for the table, Blady trying to pick up the server, and Evan chipping in a fair amount of money for the dinner. Here are a couple of swag looking fella’s.
On the way back we visited a fully clothed, sweater wearing, cabaret that was upscale compared to strip clubs that I’ve seen down there. I’m blanking on the one girl’s name (Honey?) that voted one of us the best looking out of our group. I think she told me she had 20/400 vision privately. *The full group was not at this club in case anyone questions* **This is actually the truth even though it looks sarcastic** ***I swear*** We head back to the place for a quick pit stop and I think Doug was there? He was a bouncer that wrote a prefect book and relatively interesting character. We head back out to a live music bar where we were back to the same shenanigans. One odd occurrence was a pick pocketer who Evan saw prior and saved me from losing my 2nd of 3 important items. The same scoundrel also tried to grab our friend’s bag and was promptly exited from the bar. At this time I needed to make sure I didn’t have a 2nd bad occurrence and Wiseman led me back with his GPS so I arrived safely. I didn’t make it much further than that on this night and that’s ok. Evan says these IPhones are good but boy are these some lousy pictures.
This was the swamp tour day. Adam and Brett handled breakfast for the group which shouldn’t go overlooked. The Wads bacon was crisped to perfection. The bus was picking us up around 11 or 12, and we loaded up about 30 beers. The tour driver seemed like a nice enough guy but it was odd with him telling us about history and us recovering from a night out. We get dropped off and chill out on the dock while we wait for our boat to get ready. As soon as we board the boat starts off at 5mph for about 10 minutes and I wasn’t sure what was going on. We end up getting out to the bayou and Lentz uses some biggest catch skills and grabs a milk jug from grime water. We start to see a few mini gators until we get to the part of the tour where the domesticated gators live. They’re huge and It’s wild how they’ll come right up to the boat and stare you in the eyes without attacking. The tour guide was a native Southerner with a twang and a cool guy who made it entertaining. This was a good activity for us as it didn’t require much energy and we saw some cool shit.
We get back and head to the gas station to reload on beer and Evan gets the group 24 pieces of chicken for lunch. With some sustenance and fuel, we were ready for day 3. We play Tap Out for quite a while “ruthless” Mike Maling and Wiseman made me give. After that Evan and I won a few games of pong with him carrying the team and we headed off to the city on the final night.
Once again we headed to the Bourbon area and started off buying some hand grenades.
I remember some life conversations with Adam and asking the black bouncer about critical race theory. The hand grenades were disgustingly saturated with sugar and hard to even drink. When I say a drink is hard to finish, it’s out there. After this we head to another bar to see “Weens and That Guy” with Jordan in peak form performing karaoke. My memory honestly isn’t that good around this time but I sort of remember telling Jordan he’s a dumb idiot…but a funny one at that. Someone else may be able to fill in more but I only remember staying up to about 4 shooting the shit with the boys before calling it a night.
On a side note, I don’t think it happens that often when you get Bourbon St screaming “face your fears!”
Day 4 – Sad it’s Over, Happy it Happened.
Death. I woke up with the sheer intention of leaving. I started packing bags of trash, taking them out to dumpster, and getting the hell out of there. Sam, Josh and I got an Uber to the airport and passing security felt like the hardest task I’ve ever had. The 3 hour plane ride felt like an eternity. Getting back safely was a reward in itself.
I want to update on what happened to my phone because it’s part of the story. I had an old device reconnected to my line on Monday, powered it on, and started getting my messages and checking to see if my personal info was ok. I asked the Verizon agent on Friday if there was any activity on the phone and he said no so I assumed it was ok. Well, DaRealDerek had Venmo’d himself $1,500 after he stole my phone for “cleaning”. I was a bit surprised he didn’t take my entire Venmo account but $1,500 must be the magic number. I ended up finding him on Facebook and filed a police report. I doubt NOPD will take any action but I wanted to alert the public (small amount of people reading) that this happens and it’s not a fun feeling. I most likely will get the money back, but knowing that you can get mugged in areas of uncertainty is now more engrained in my life as it’s never happened before. I’m perfectly at fault for this instance putting myself in that position, but PSA, “use the buddy system in unknown environments.” This stuff happens when you’re drinking.
Thanks to Brett for putting it together and sorry if I didn’t mention Tim, Ely, or Josh much. Every person is essential to increased amusement value. It was a great group of bros to get together and I had a tremendous time. It was a 4 day recovery period where I contemplated ending it all but it was worth it. If anyone took the time to read this entire post, my lord, get a life and stop living vicariously through this drunk asshole. Just kidding. I’m extremely glad you’re that captivated and hopefully the next adventure I can get through without an issue. Thanks again to everyone and a big congratulations to Jordan and Dani!