I purchased a mystery 6 pack of boxers briefs from MeUndies. I could’ve chosen my 6 styles for $115, or let them choose for me for $96. I don’t really care about the $19, but if I was choosing for myself, I’d probably just be boring and go with plain colors, why not spice it up?

Now, I’m not a dumbass, I realize that ‘mystery‘ basically means ‘no one is buying these so we have to get rid of them somehow‘. With that said, I’m ranking them AND rating them out of 10. The contenders in alphabetical order are:

  • Cherries
  • Eyes
  • Hearts
  • Love is Love
  • S’mores
  • Shamrocks

Let’s get started!

6. Shamrocks – 1/10

This is a uniquely biased pick because I automatically associate Shamrocks with Ian and it triggers me. It’s part of the reason I boycotted St. Patties and created St. Pedro’s instead. I’ll wear these begrudgingly if I’m out of all other boxers.

5. Eyes – 3.5/10

I honestly don’t get these. Do the eyes represent the world looking at my penis because I look so good? Or do they represent my penis looking out at the world full of opportunity? They’re also all weird eyes, like demons or ghosts. They’re a little unsettling.

4. Love is Love – 5/10

Do I support the message of love is love? Sure! But that doesn’t mean I like the design. I don’t hate the colors but the font is just too scraggly. It looks like my shitty handwriting. They’re probably the most ‘normal’ looking but a little underwhelming.

3. Hearts – 6/10

These are a little over the top but they have some flare! I guess I’ll take them as a reminder to be grateful of all the things I love in my life. Definitely not something I would ordinarily pick but no complaints here.

2. Cherries – 8.5/10

My exact words when I saw these (after I stopped laughing) were “what the actual fuck are these“. The yellow. The cherries. The absurdity. Initially I thought I might just throw them out but after a day to reflect, they’re awesome.

1. S’mores – 10/10

These were the top pick from the get go. Smashing right out of the box, and I don’t even like s’mores (just the marshmallows really, I like graham crackers and chocolate). The colors pop and the image is great, they look like little alien s’more space ships

Please comment your rankings, agreements, disagreements, etc.