I am not depressed. I am not anxious. I am not suicidal.

I’m in a happy relationship with a stable job, a lot of friends, and a kick-ass blog. I once wrote a post ranking the worst things that had ever happened to me, and 2nd place was asking a girl out in high school and getting rejected. All that said…

I want to go to therapy.

A friend that I trust said years ago in a random conversation that everyone should go to therapy, and since then, I’ve been thinking about it.

WHY? What am I hoping to get out of it?

I often think about what I would say at the first meeting, and it would be something along the lines of:

I don’t know why I’m here. I’m a pretty happy person with very little to complain about. I kind of just want you to ask me questions about myself, then I’ll answer them, then you’ll tell me something insightful about it.”

I don’t expect to overcome some significant trauma from my past, mostly because I don’t think there is any significant trauma.

Honestly it may come back to the Myself and Others post. I just like talking about myself.

Now that I write it out, maybe I’m looking for an outside perspective on my life and my thoughts. Where can I improve as a person maybe? What am I neglecting in life that I don’t realize?

Long story short, I don’t have an answer. There’s no specific reason for me to go. But I want to.

Where do I start?

I got serious about this earlier this year. Initially I was looking up in-person therapists, but then remembered I’d heard about 1000 ads for BetterHelp.

There were two things that turned me off to BetterHelp though.

  1. I dragged Meghan into making an account with me and we answered our questions very differently but were both assigned the same therapist. Over 25,000 therapists they say! And we got the same one!! How cool is that!!! That was a red flag.
  2. To paraphrase a post I read; “BetterHelp is not a therapy company. They’re a big tech company like all the others, they just happen to sell therapy.

There were too many stories of people getting mediocre service. If I’m going to do this, I want the real deal.

So that leaves me going in person to a real therapist. I’ve loosely looked into places to go, but the main barrier to entry is picking a therapist.

Man? Woman? 30s? 60s? Cat? Dog?!

These don’t seem like a big deal, but my biggest fear is going to that first meeting and saying “I just can’t see that person being my therapist” and never going back. It’s a silly reason to NOT go at all, but for someone who isn’t sure why they’re going in the first place, it’s difficult.

Any advice or even recommendations would be appreciated! Maybe you went for no reason like I’m saying and it was useless. Or maybe it changed your life. Or maybe you’re a therapist who reads this blog and wants me as a client. I don’t know. But there’s comfort in numbers.

Where does that leave me? I guess I’m verbally committing to trying out therapy in 2023. Right after I trip on ayahuasca.