If Goobers Disappeared Tomorrow, Would You Even Notice?

People don’t proactively choose Goobers. Except me. I think it’s because people don’t understand the Goober.

I’d imagine Peanut M&M’s outsell Goobers by a mile even though they’re practically the same thing, except for the thin candy shell.

Richard: “Oh, that sounds good. Melted chocolate inside the dash. That really ups the resale value.”

Tommy: “I think you’ll be okay here. They have a thin candy shell. Surprised you didn’t know that.”

Richard: “I think your brain has a thick candy shell.”

Tommy: “Your… your brain has the shell on it.”

Richard: “Are you talking?”

Tommy: “Shut up, Richard.”

The Goober, however, is the superior candy for two reasons that I don’t think enough people appreciate.

1. Freeze them.

Like almost any chocolate, they’re better straight out of the freezer.

2. Drink milk after a handful.

Don’t question it. Just do it.

The only place I’ve ever seen Goobers sold is in the movie theater-style box at Wegmans. Naturally, I bought five boxes. Not because I needed five boxes, but because I wanted the Wegmans purchasing manager to look at the sales report and think, “Something’s happening with Goobers.”

Clearly somebody is buying these things. It isn’t just me. Five boxes only lasts about a month. Shelf space in a grocery store isn’t free, and companies don’t keep making products that nobody buys. Yet I’ve never once heard someone say, “You know what I’m in the mood for? Goobers.”

Honestly, the marketing department deserves some blame. You’re selling a chocolate-covered peanut, and you landed on… Goober. The candy is only a chocolate covered peanut. Yet, we’re going with Goober. How about the Brown Bomber or Chocolate Cannonball? They could do a ton more.

If Goobers disappeared tomorrow, would you even notice?

I would.

Now go buy a box. Not because Nestlé needs your money, but because I refuse to let Goobers become the next Butterfinger BB’s.