Who doesn’t like a story about an interaction with the police? It’s because it’s not supposed to happen and that’s what makes it intriguing. I’ve had a few that I’ll recollect in this blog post.
The Beer Bong – Age 17 – I was in college and hardly drank at all in high school. Nerd alert. So I get to college and go to a house party. There was a beer bong that I had never seen before. I do 3 or 4 and I’m buzzing like a bee having an awesome time. Then it hits me all at once and I went from buzzing to bombed in an instant. As this hit me, the police bust the party. I was downstairs while the kids are making their getaways and at this point the police are letting people out of the party. I walk up the stairs and stumble at the top directly into the officer. He pulls me aside, makes me empty my pockets (which had BBQ sunflower seeds in them), and issues me an underage. I went back to the dorms and puke in the toilet for 15 minutes straight. When I came to the next morning in my room, I was mortified. My college career was over! I was going to get kicked out! I took a bus down to the court to straighten it out on a Saturday and it was closed. Instead I had to pay $75 dollars, sent in my mail, and take a class on alcoholism. In this program I had to attend 6 AA meetings. I was 17. I look back at that and laugh because I had no clue what alcohol was at that age.
Wawa With the Boys – Age 23 – CK4, Sam, and Jake Boyd and I wanted to get Wawa on a casual Friday night in the burbs. I had some beers with Ck4 earlier at Knickers, but figured I was under the limit. We get some Wawa and I must have peeled out because next thing I knew we were getting pulled over down Welsh. I’m frightened at this point because I don’t know if I’m .06, .08, or lord only knows. He comes up to the car and says, “how many brain cells do you have?” I wasn’t expecting a question of this nature so I probably muttered something stupid like, “what?”. He said it must be zero because he was sitting right in the lot when I sped out. He looked in the back seat and saw 2 high school kids and gave me a speeding ticket. ?
The Piss– Age 25 – Coming back from the bar in Manayunk I had to take a piss. There was this other guy whizzing under a bridge so I decided to pee next to him. A police car sneaks up behind us and puts on his lights. I pinch the stream and start running up the hill. I had no clue if he was following me or not but I was drunk and wanted to get away. I get to a blind cross road extremely winded from running and I make a left and there is the cop car directly in front of me. Who knows if it was the same one or his buddy. I was so exhausted I gave up, layed down on the sidewalk, let them cuff me, and take me to the station. I was a smart aleck at this young age and told the cop I was going to lawyer up and this was going to look poorly on his record. He took my skinny frame, slammed me against the police station wall, and told me to shut up. I did.
Neo the Halloween Alcoholic – Age 31 – I spent a Halloween in Conshohocken and drank until I was drunk. I purposely left my keys at the house so I couldn’t drive home. There was one problem with this plan and that was I didn’t know the address of the place I was supposed to stay. So I wander around Conshy for a while and I find a stoop to sit on. A cop comes up to me and asks me where I’m staying. I told him I don’ t know. We played this game for a while until he said I can’t let you stay here if you don’t know the address or where you were going. He put me in the drunk tank and I woke up at 6am in a holding cell. He gave me a ticket and sent me home. I hired a lawyer and got 25 hours of community service of which I did 12 of and had them write the letter saying I did 25. I was dressed as Neo from the Matrix for this ordeal with a long black trench coat which didn’t help my look.
There’s also a post office story where I climbed over a 12 foot fence into the parking lot of a post office. The officers got there and it was a stand off. They told me to climb back over and I told them I wasn’t going to because they’d arrest me. They promised they wouldn’t if I just climbed back over. So I did and ran off. I probably have another 10 or 20, who knows, but these were the ones I thought were worth sharing.