1 Rec and 2.5 Yards Away

Who is Preventing This?

Chase scores on the first drive. Ekeler hauls 2 catches and 22 receiving yards 5 minutes into the game. He scores a TD on the Skins 2nd possession. Burrow surpasses 150 at half. I might win these. Ekeler’s receiving line at HT for 1rec for 3yds would be -2500. Ekeler returns a 3rd qtr. kick 60 yards then gets concussed two plays later. Adding insult to injury, my Bengals pick gets knocked out of the suicide pool. I went to sleep cursing the world.

I haven’t been finding fun in what’s supposed to be fun. I put 2k into action through Sunday and Monday and I won $5.50. Any idea how much time I spent to win an honest Abe ? This was the same conclusion trying to grind online poker in my 20’s. The same outcome at chess which results in a keyboard through my desk. My final 4 holes of golf putting for eagle, par, birdie, and birdie I went par, double, bogey, bogey. A human being can only take so much misery before they succumb to mediocrity. I tell myself to fight through, this too shall pass, but it won’t. I’ll die before.

My new solution is to do nothing. No golf. No chess. No betting. No drinking. No bowling. Nothing.

Come home from work and stare at the TV. Not a TV that’s on. Blank. Just sit there until I get tired and go to sleep. That would be better than what I’ve been doing. It’s not depression. I feel great. I’m in tremendous physical shape. My head is clear. I have manageable stress. I should be dominating the world. Not getting tormented by some inexplicable asshole who is controlling me with their mouse a billion miles in outer space. It’s not even about the money. I don’t need the money. It’s not being rewarded for the work. You eventually come to the conclusion, it’s not worth it. I don’t have the time to put into activities. If I didn’t have a job, I’d travel all over and put effort into these extracurriculars, but as such, they are becoming a negative to my life instead of a fun past time. We shall see.