Sorry for the graphic nature of this post.

Today was pretty much the worst start to any work day I’ve ever had.

What happened you ask? We were VANDALIZED.

Not by graffiti or a break in, but by literal poop.

When I got to the garage door there was a puddle of diarrhea on the sidewalk right where you would pull the car in. Not only that, but two paper towels that had been used to, I assume, clean the ass of whoever did this. Below is my drawing of the scene.

I was upset.

In hindsight, I would have handled it differently than how I did, but hindsight is 20/20.

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Here’s what I SHOULD HAVE DONE:

I should have taken the metal snow shovel we have and literally pushed the shit into the sewer, then rinsed the hell out of the shovel and poured water over the remaining shit to ensure it all washed away.

Think about it! I’d prefer THIS, pushing SHIT with a shovel to what I actually did.

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Here’s what I DID:

I filled up buckets of water and just washed the shit down the sidewalk onto the street hoping it would run into the sewer. The issue with this solution is that SNOW is fucking everywhere right now. So the shitty water just ran right into the snow and became a massive shitty snowy mess. The sewer wasn’t draining any of the water because the snow was piled up.

I then shoveled the shitty snow onto the sewer opening but as I said, none actually went down because it was more or less clogged. So there’s just a pile of shitty snow waiting to melt into the sewer.

To make matters worse, when I poured my first bucket, I slipped on ice towards the shit and the water splashed poop onto my shoe. I poured the rest of the water onto my shoe to clean it off, but the damage was done. The next 20 minutes of clean up was done with a soaking wet, shit-smelling set of shoes. I’ve since thrown the shoes out.

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How does this happen?

I can’t even pretend to know what someone who shits on the sidewalk is thinking. Was it a homeless person who just really had to go? Was it a competitor who wanted to mess up Stortz Tools for day? Was it actually a stray horse or something that felt sick?

I don’t know. But this was as bad as it gets.

How’s your Friday going?