Yesterday I was in a car at 7:30 am stuck in traffic going west on 76. I was feeling rushed because I woke up at 6:45am and my destination goal was 11am in NorthUmberland, Pa. The GPS had me arriving at 10:42 which left me little wiggle room. As I sat there, the destination time kept creeping up as I moved 1 inch at a time. Google likes to keep the traffic color green to keep people from freaking out. This being green was freaking me out.
I had a 20 oz coffee in my cup holder because I ate a quick breakfast sandwich at around 7:15 and had yet to start my coffee. Being a savvy traveler, I thought I had prepared for this by pooping before I showered in the morning. Being a pre-coffee poop, I knew it may not be a full release. As I took a sip of coffee, I had a feeling this may not end so well because of the fart situation. When you’re able to rip freely, you’ll be ok. This was a business trip and there was no time for accidental sharts.
So I get going up 476 and am doing ok. I failed to mention that I was coming off a bad Sunday hangover that was making its way into Tuesday. I understand that people don’t understand, but when you get in your mid 30’s, every day of drinking requires 1 day of recovery. I had drank enough 3 days in a row and was now on day 2 of suffering. What drinking does is dehydrates your body and water doesn’t rehydrate you as your body can only absorb so much and you piss out the rest. There must be some chemical that gets reduced when you’re drinking, and re-produced when you’re sober. It takes time though so at this point I’ve got dry lips and my body is not functioning at the highest level. I could go on about not having enough neurons processing and your brain and mobility acting like a tortoise, but you get the point.
Now I’ve already taken a detour at a Podunk rest stop with only vending machines and weird Shining like, 80’s decor bathrooms to take a piss and I didn’t risk a shit. I did my business part of the trip successfully and got a coffee for lunch because the guy I went with got a decaf. I didn’t think twice. When I started the ride home, my stomach was rumbling. I had 3+ hours in the car and this was no time for breaks. I pulled over at almost the exact same designed rest stop from earlier, went to the handicapped stall, and let out mud. This was a failing body, on too much coffee, crapping out a battered fried fish.
I started this post on how I was backed up with work on other projects I was working on…but I think this one turned out much better. The Workaholics gifs were random. The show cannot be forgotten about.