New to Newtown, I need a real gym. The one in my complex isn’t cutting it – barely any equipment, and I managed to hurt my knee the first time I stepped on their treadmill. I’m not risking it again on that rinky-dink piece of shit.
There is a first-class, very Republican gym nearby – high divorce rate, premium price tag. It runs $219 a month. “All inclusive,” they said. I asked if that meant alcohol. The woman did not laugh. Turns out it just includes spinning and yoga classes.
During my tour, she asked, “Are you interested in classes?”
“No,” I said.
She looked surprised – like nobody had ever answered that bluntly – and I could feel her confidence in an easy sale evaporate.
At the end, she sat behind her desk, slid a signup form across to me, and I looked at it, then at her, and said, “I’m not signing up today.” And that was that.
Here’s the membership.
2 days ago, after black Friday, I searched and found her email with a black Friday sale.
Hi Thomas,
Our biggest membership offer of the year is here & it’s exclusively for you!
Your Black Friday Offer:
- No enrollment fees (save up to $350)
- November & December free (no dues until 01/01/2026)
- 4 guest passes (a $200 value)
- A complimentary 1-hour fitness evaluation with a Certified Personal Trainer
I reached back out, and she told me the promotion was over – now it’s just 50% off enrollment. I asked why they couldn’t still honor the original deal. She said she couldn’t.
“Why not?”
“It’s over.”
“So?”
Then came the awkward silence.
I went to the website and saw an offer for $80 a month for NPI which I thought meant no classes, just the machines. She wrote:
THE NPI membership is not a NAC membership. If you get a NAC membership you have access to all the Hyrox & Crossfit classes at NPI. If you are looking for the martial arts, boxing, etc then you will just get the NPI membership. THE NPI membership is ONLY for NPI.
I told her this was ridiculous – I don’t want any of your classes, just the machines, and $219 a month is way too much for that. Awkward silence again.
“Well, I’m not signing up.”
“Ok.”
I’ll give the NAC credit for sticking to their guns. But I Googled around and found a gym down the street for $64 a month – I joined the same day. Don’t get me wrong, NAC is way, way, way nicer. It’s Average Joe’s vs. Globo Gym. The machines at Optimal are rusty, treadmills are from 2015, and the entrance has a granny smell I wasn’t thrilled about.
It may not have been the “best” choice – the money isn’t a big deal to me – but it was principle. At least in my head, I didn’t have to give Carol my membership for what felt like a bullshit offer. Now I’m stuck using machines from Y2k. Sometimes being stubborn doesn’t always work in the sales world.
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