Earlier this week I took a weed edible. As you’ll see below, it didn’t hit me until five hours later. But when it hit, it hit pretty good. I finally worked up the courage to write this nebulous post I’d be hyping up. I was and still am self conscious about coming off as the high guy who’s just like “duddeeeee cats are so crazy!” but here goes.

It may be the best post I’ve ever done or the worst. I don’t know. But I decided to post it and leave it completely unedited from that night. Enjoy.

I took an edible literally five hours ago. Five. hours. ago.

Litearlly went to bed after four hours later and didn’t feel it at all. I went to bed and was like it’s not working. And as I’m llaying in bed listening to Dave Portnoy, I start getting absolutely blitz. Straight. Tripping. Like I am really fucking feeling this. Five hours. Later. How!? What edible takes five hours to hit! I almost fell asleep! Literally in bed. With Dave Portnoy. Listening to him. He wasn’t present in the room.

Sitting here butt ass naked. Can’t stop blinking. And just staring to so god damn hard on the letters that I’m typing. I was in bed just going nuts. Like, couldn’t keep my toughts straight at all. And was like, I think I gotta write. Like, this is it. I’ve tried the edibles like five times before and been like, nah I’m not high, or if I write a post people will read and be like “he wasn’t high he just was like pretending for the content. But this time. In bed. I knew. I wasn’t sure if I was awake or asleep and next thing I’m in front of the computer. Computer comes out of the screen lke full blast. Like GOKU spirit bomb. Totally blinded. Incredible blinded. Turned the brightness down on my laptop for the first time in my life. Had to write. Just knew I had to do it.

And I’m here. I made it. I’m typing everything like 3-4 word sentences. Can’t seem to get more than a few. Woosh. Really something. I’m stalling thinking about movies. Just, what’s the best movie. Such a tough call. Flashing to Slade just being the man. Slade and Satchel. Just encouraging the whole thing. So great. Keep thinking of melon too. Little fella. No eyes. No eyes! Picture that. No eyes! Guy moves around like sonic the hedgehog. Not one eye ball in his head.

The biggest way I’ve been able to tell that I’m high is the passing of time. It feels like I’ve been typing for like 30 minutes and it’s really been like five. And I forget when I’m doing five minutes ago. And remember. I was folding laundry, had to make three trips between the washer and dryer and just kept forgetting to go back to get the next batch after I was done. I couldn’t remember!

Will this be a well received post? It’s tough to say. Is it controversial? It’s not a political stance. I just have to keep this draft. We’ll review it tomorrow. But it felt important to put down. Men have been eating edibles for as long as we’ve been around. It’s time to go. It’s just, time to go. To the… Bargain mart! Meeting all your spatula needs.