I’m a big candle guy. Huge candle guy. Always have been thanks to my mom. Thanks mom.
Yankee Candle is my go-to. I ordered three large jar candles last week for $64 and they were supposedly delivered yesterday. I didn’t see anything.
I checked again today and again I didn’t see anything. So I called Yankee Candle and told them I think the package was stolen, it said ‘left at front door’, which isn’t ideal for my SHITTY apartment building.
The lady I spoke with was super helpful and is sending me a replacement package. But while I was on the phone with her, what did I see out of the corner of my eye?
That is my candle box, cut open, all candles removed, and tossed aside. This was on the INSIDE of my gate. So presumably a tenant stole the candles!
What. The. Fuck.
This is where things get interesting.
Being the natural detective that I am, I went to the top floor of my SHITTY apartment building and started sniffing… If this thief is stupid enough to leave the open box out by the trash then they may be stupid enough to BURN the candle in the building as well.
Sixth floor. Clean.
Fifth floor. Hoe. Lee. Shit. I smell candle.
I can’t pinpoint the scent because the three scents I purchased are new for me, but I GUARANTEE someone on the fifth floor of my SHITTY apartment building was burning a candle.
So what do I do now…
My replacement candles should be here soon enough. My plan is that when they come in, I’m going to the fifth floor every day until I smell the candle burning again. And when I do, I’m going to compare that scent to the three that I bought.
And what if there’s a match…
This is what I haven’t figured out yet… Say I’m outside 5B and they have Pink Sands blasting through their door. What do I do?? If I knock I’m basically hoping they open the door holding the candle so I can accuse them.
Otherwise, “Hey. Uh, can I come in and poke around a little bit?”
Or do I directly accuse them? “I had some candles stolen from me this week and I think you did it…“.
Or do I write them a note?:
I know you did it. You stole my candles. I’m not even asking for them back. Just know that you’re a piece of shit. But if you want to return them, please leave them in the lobby, I will take them back. Thanks. – Sam Stortz, 3D
It’s impossible. I don’t know how I can directly accuse them without potentially getting it wrong and looking like a psycho.
My last, and probably best idea, is to get a drone and fly it up to their window. If I can see the candles through the window, then I’ll be confident enough to knock on the door. Does anyone have a drone?