I’m standing in Amsterdam, higher than the 787 Dreamliner that flew me into Copenhagen 6 days ago, needing to take a dump. I felt like a ticking time bomb ready to go off and each passing second was pushing the limit.
I charged out of the Bulldog and dash to the McDonald’s, scoot by the attendant who charges .50, and see one of the worst setup’s I can think of.
There are so many girls in this McDonald’s bathroom, waiting to pee, and the dividing wall was made of paper. There is no way I could have dropped a bomb off in this situation while my brain is already paranoid.
I remember that there is a public restroom up the street and take another shot. I arrive and there’s a green light, but the door doesn’t open. The screen is in Danish and has .50 Euro displayed. I only had a 5 Euro bill. I scramble to the nearby supermarket and get two 2 Euro pieces and one 1 Euro piece. Then I run to ANOTHER store and get the 1 Euro piece into 2 .50 euro pieces. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I penguin waddle to the bathroom and the coins don’t fit in the slot. Mother of god.
I locate CK4 and ask him if he knows how these work. He looks at it and sees a credit card slot. I try that to no avail. Then a new couple arrives to use the restroom, can’t figure it out, and this becomes the Greg Focker scene where he gets his ball caught and more people start showing up. I couldn’t get it open and there was no more time. I was debilitated and made the group leave for the train back to the AirBnB on our last night in Amsterdam.
There is more to go with this story with questions that I’d be happy to answer, but I want to leave with these farting words. This scenario could have been worse. I thought my intestine was going to explode through my stomach, which would have made me pass out, auto-shit myself on the streets of Amsterdam, and only then would I be so lucky to die from the internal damage because if I didn’t, I surely would have from the embarrassment. These were my thoughts as my stomach was on the verge of combustion. I feel like this post can’t possibly describe the stomach pain I was feeling. Any fart would have shart.
Once back to the AirB&B the flood gates were opened and it was like the elevator scene from the Shining.
Lesson #1 – Know how to operate the public restroom in Europe
Lesson #1a – Know how to poop in crowded public spaces when you can’t get home quickly
This is part 1 of what I think is going to be about a 20 part series. My goal will be to release one every day at 9am. I’m doing this mainly because I want to release more content and I won’t be available much the next 2 weeks to write, so when I get the chance, I’ll schedule one. I have much content from my 8 days in Europe and this is a great way to put it out there.