I haven’t bet NBA because I was enjoying losing hundreds on the PGA. Last night I re-entered the wonderful world of real sports betting and I’ll describe the experience.

To begin, I don’t bet money I can’t afford to lose. It’s a minimal % of my roll and the test of wits against the bookies is what truly drives the degenerate. This is not to say that I don’t get excited when I’m winning free money. As I’ve learned in life, there is no such thing as free money.

I start by betting the Bucks +1.5 first quarter which was a virtual lock 6 minutes when they were leading by near double digits. I got cute and wanted to hit that sweet spot by taking the Heat +4.5 in the same quarter which lost. Then DK offers a 33% boost on a live bet so I took the Bucks +5.5 to go along with my Bucks +4.5 at the start of the game. Both losing. So I went for the chase move by doubling the initial bet on the Rockets which was abysmal if you watched how they had zero chance to win the game against a superior team.

I lost $81. Compared to what I lost in the stock market on the day, this was a drop in the water. Unfortunately it doesn’t FEEL like a drop in the water. It feels like I just took out a high interest rate loan to pay my bookie at the local watering hole. It’s not the money that I care about. It’s losing. It’s the competition. There’s no end goal in sight. I’m never going to win hundreds of thousands of dollars that would alter my life in any significant capacity. I would never try (cue the JC Superbowl Bet in 1990). So you ask, why do it? It’s the free money. It’s beating the house. It’s the dream of going on a streak where you can’t lose and win 20 games straight (cue the Shee when the books had to shut him down). It’s what all the gamblers want. A superiorty complex over someone who is clearly superior. The odds are stacked against you. David vs Goliath. Get that fucking slingshot.