I was thinking of a Full House episode where one of the characters, most likely Joey or Jesse, created a mess on the counter and challenged Danny that he couldn’t last a few moments without HAVING to clean it up. Of course Danny played it off, left the room, and came back to clean it up because of his neat freakness. Then I start thinking that his personality trait of being neat, organized, and task oriented would make him a high earner. Then I remembered that he had this bad ass job on a network news station for the city of San Francisco. This dude must make bank! Considering that “Full House”, he’d have to. Not so fast, professor.

Where to Begin?

Danny – The Morning Newscaster / Family Leader
The average for a morning newscaster is $83,000 in 2019. So it’s fair to say that Danny made 60k or so back then. Is this enough to afford his family? No way.

Danny knew how to get shit done. Spic and span. Reputable job. Button down and slacks kind of guy. You think this guy took shit from his kids? DJ your grounded. Stephanie, go to your room. Why do I always have to be the bad guy? When you’re surrounded by low life’s and deadbeats, he’s the clear breadwinner. Look at him rallying the troops and the reaction he receives. Ingrates.

Born Winner – No further evidence needed. When it’s on the line, he kicks hard.

Deadbeat Family – Joey was a low level comic who lived in shoe box. Let’s give him some credit though, at least he was neat about it. This loser comes across as a total spender though with no regard for saving. He probably bought those 3 Stooges dolls for a thousand bucks a piece from a pawn shop and they were manufactured in China. Screams total shopaholic and poor with money.

Jesse’s room was no better. He comes across as the “cool” musician uncle who you know Danny was slipping hundreds because he was “helping out the kids”. This dude had a job playing gigs for $1,000 bucks a night split 8 ways with the Rippers. Total drain on Danny. Inspect that picture and notice the workman like attire of Danny while those two other slouches can’t afford any better wear than sweatpants. Another shoe box to boot!

I remember he scored some dough with Joey for some marketing campaign, but what could that have brought in 10k? I’m sure both those numbskulls were in total debt. And who can forget the Smash club? What a horrible business venture. Literally 4 bar seats? 3 Tables? What is this idiot thinking? Looks like it’s a class room for a clown college.

House – A quick search shows they lived on Steiner Street in San Francisco. A house on that block recently sold for 3.1 million in 2014. The current estimate is 4 million and it had 4,773 square ft, 6 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms. Back in the 90’s, with proper inflation, it would be worth around 2 million in today’s currency. San Francisco wasn’t what it is now, so let’s say the home was a half a million dollar home in 1990. Danny’s mortgage was around 2k a month. 24k a year, and he’s only bringing in 45k net? Not adding up.

The Kids – Spoiled brats. DJ gets a car on her 16th birthday and Stephanie promptly crashes it through the living room. Does insurance cover that in full? Danny better have had a hefty policy. More financial woes.

This brings me to Michelle. She’s lounging in a goddamn suite while Joey and Jesse are stuffed like sardines with twin mattresses. Look at all that shit crowding up that luxury room. Her bear has a bench and Joey can’t afford jeans! Danny is letting these kids rob him blind.

The Music Studio – Who paid for this? Was this included in the house? Are you telling me Danny floated this too? Jesse was a lucky guy.

What’s the Story Danny?

I feel like I’ve presented a lot of evidence that shows that there is no way Danny could afford all this shit. Look at this attic to close my facts.

That’s a grand piano! The deeper you dig, the more it all starts to make sense. When the show started Danny was 30. In the first episode, DJ was probably 10. That means that he was 20 when he became a dad. You’re telling me this guy was able to go to college, raise 3 kids, land a news job, and afford all of this by the age of 30? No way, Jose.

By now you’re waiting for the point I’m getting at and you’re not going to like it…Danny was in the car the night the drunk driver killed his wife. He took out a huge insurance policy, got his friend loaded, knew where his wife was going that night, and swerved the wheel into her car. I told you this guy was a bad ass. It totally explains his tendency for neatness because no one who cleans that much could be that devious. There you go fans. One more TV mystery solved.

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