Ian McGrath beat me in fantasy football for the 3rd straight time this year. My team was championship caliber and Ian’s is a dumpster fire. I lead the league in points scored and out scored Ian by 232 aggregate. Amazingly, every time Ian and I play head to head, he beat me no problem. His 3 totals against me were 122.2, 129.1, and 127. In the other 11 weeks he averaged 94 points. This was divine intervention and he told me he Mr. Magoo’d it by accidently dropping a defense and picking up Washington. This was not supposed to happen like this but I have a theory why.

It’s a McGrath-Stortz rivalry that stems from Sam putting shit on the McGrath’s doorstep. Maybe he threw it at his dad. I don’t remember. Sam and Ian always had this back and forth where Sam was mean to Ian and Steve would ask me what’s Sam’s deal? Ian’s AIM screenname was CoolDudeIan and that was the lamest name you could think of. Why am I now getting punished for Sam’s childhood behavior?

I must confess though it goes deeper than a stupid screen name. It’s no argument who the more talented group athletically is. I was arguably a top 10 player in intramurals growing up (in my age group). Steve will counter with how many intramural championships he’s won which is great when you’re carried to the finish line and I have Jimmy Kida shooting with 6 seconds left when we are up 1 pt and Chris Duntzee fast breaks a miracle layup to win the game which sent the Wagon crying.

In another degree of measure, my Broad Street Run time is faster than any standard set by Ian. I specifically remember beating him one year and I think he didn’t run with a bib. His selective memory has him beating me.

The McGrath’s are like O’Doyle from Billy Madison. They beat Sam and I in 2v2 basketball shooting 8% from the field and 430 offensive rebounds.

They’re big and slow and they don’t beat you on technical expertise. They beat you on technicalities. If we are playing beer pong I’ll always want to be on Steve’s team. It’s not that I think he’s the best player, he’ll be the guy who has a magnet in the cup and bring out a ball with a sliver of metal in it for the key shot. McGrath’s don’t get caught like that. I don’t think they care about winning all that much, it’s more of a can they out game you for that one key moment to prove that they have “it” if they need to use it.

I personally have nothing against Ian. It’s like Smarty Jones racing and I break my leg every time the competition occurs. I can’t control the “luck” involved in these events. That’s what makes them fun.