Weens insisted I watched Malignant, a new horror movie on HBO Max.

Spoilers below.

Here’s the trailer:

My Summary

Madison witnesses murders as they happen even though she’s not there. After a few murders they begin to connect the dots that the people being murdered are the doctors she had a kid. She says she doesn’t remember anything prior to age 8 or the doctors who are being murdered. When they begin to suspect SHE’S killing them, she claims she communicates with Gabriel, a sort of ‘imaginary friend’ who tells her he’s going to kill everyone. It’s not her, it’s Gabriel!

Then her sister uncovers old videos from her childhood and it’s unveiled the Gabriel is actually a conjoined twin! He was born on her back(?). Doctors tried to get him under control but Gabriel was too evil. They cut out as much of him as they could without hurting Madison. Then, all these years later, he was awakened by eating her unborn babies (she had three miscarriages) then a smack to the back of her head AKA the front of his head.

The movie concludes with Gabriel killing like 20 cops before Madison realizes they share the same brain and he can’t control her any longer. She takes over her own brain and all is well again. Thank god.

The Pros

  • It was entertaining, in a sort of ‘the acting is so bad and the twist is so ridiculous that it’s kind of good?’ way.
  • The shock value of the twist and the last 30 minutes are so out there that you kind of have to watch it.
  • I think the movie is maybe sort of in on the joke? It’s like, ‘we know this is ridiculous, that’s the point‘, but I would also believe if you told me they think this is the best horror movie ever made.

The Cons

  • You wait 90 minutes for the twist and it’s a fucking conjoined twin? Like what is the picture above??
  • I’m still not sure if Gabriel is just a conjoined twin or also a demon possessing her? You’re led to believe it’s more demonic, as she refers to him as ‘the devil‘ a few times, but by the end more just a person?
  • But if it’s just a person, then where the fuck does the super human strength come from? Gabriel literally punches a hole in someone’s chest. That’s not just a strong person, so then it’s sort of… demonic?
  • Which also leads to – how couldn’t Gabriel kill the guy detective during the big chase scene? That detective was so average at fighting. Gabriel can kill 20 officers that are all firing guns at him but not this jabroni?
  • The sister stunk as a character and the romance between her and the detective was pointless.
  • In fact, all the characters were underdeveloped. You don’t learn anything about any of them aside from Madison. They tried to do little tidbits like the woman detective’s husband being mad that she missed date night, but none of them landed.
  • The info that Gabriel fed off of Madison’s unborn babies comes out of fuckin’ nowhere. It’s like ‘Gabriel woke up when Derek hit Madison in the head‘, but then at the very end the sister just blurts out ‘Gabriel is why you had all these miscarriages! That’s how he woke up!‘. Like, wat?

Overall: 4.5/10

Worth watching once? Sure, if you like over-the-top scary movies. Would I ever watching it again? Probably not.