Yesterday I was awake at 3 in the morning. I had a decision to make: stew for a while or get up and write a blog post about bands. I chose the latter.
At 6 p.m., my heart was beating through my chest after 30 minutes on the elliptical. I hate the elliptical, but I’ve been on the shelf for the last three weeks with an Achilles injury. The hours in between were nonstop work.
All work and no play make Tom a dull boy.
Since Memorial Day, I’ve been on a blood pressure watch and haven’t been able to reduce it. I’m so anti-medicine that I’ll continue testing variables until I stumble upon the one that connects.
At this point, I’ve narrowed it down to work and alcohol, which is unfortunate because I’ve spent most of my adult life specializing in both.
Technically, it could still be diet. But I’ve eliminated the Gatorades and breakfast sandwiches while cutting back on snacking. If this intake kills me, get it over with.
I’m not sure how long alcohol affects blood pressure, but by Friday I’ll be five days sober. If I’m still hitting 150/90, alcohol certainly may not help, but removing it apparently wasn’t the magic trick.
Also, I was four Miller Lites deep last Friday listening to music when I thought to myself, I’m actually enjoying myself. I’ve tried to do the same exact experience back in April sober and it wasn’t as fun.
Alternatively, compare that to sitting on the couch sober watching a TV show. Healthier, sure. But I’m not convinced living as long as possible is the same thing as living. Life sober is undoubtedly easier, but it isn’t more fun. I’d be curious if anyone knows the below HBO series.
Which brings me to work.
My inkling is that this is the main contributor. The customers never stop. The relationships continue to evolve. There’s always a new challenge. This isn’t to say I’m not cut out for it. I feel fine, as far as I can tell, but it’s quite possible this stuff eats away at you.
I haven’t taken significant time away from work since I was 21. I’m 42. At this point, I feel like I’ve earned a break.
There are still a few more pieces I have to finish (it’s not fair to start something without finishing it)((and I do understand this can go on forever)), but I feel closer than ever to being fulfilled by work.
There’s just not that much more a regular human can accomplish unless they have dreams the size of the moon.
I was/am only about the money. They always tell you to do what you love. I never really bought that. There’s a lot more opportunity in getting good at the work nobody else wants to do. The problem is that eventually you get good at it, make the money, and you’re still the guy doing the work nobody else wants to do.
So I’m trying to smooth out the remaining edges of life.
I feel more evolved than ever. I’ve read hundreds of books on business and self-improvement. I’m trying to teach myself two languages. I play golf. I’m apparently also trying to maintain my status as a functional alcoholic on weekends.
There aren’t many unused hours left to optimize.
I don’t need to read The 7 Habits for the fourth time. At some point, the next self-improvement project might be doing less shit. Oddly I was “relaxing”, and within 30 seconds I thought to myself, “I should be doing something.”
Once I finish this conference I’m leading in September and the travel I have planned in October, I’m resetting this life.
I don’t know exactly what that means yet. Less work seems obvious. Maybe less drinking. Hopefully less time on the fucking elliptical.
For most of my adult life, the question has been what else I can accomplish.
I’m starting to wonder if I’ve accomplished enough.
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