This post will solve the civil unrest in the United States.
At this point, the right and left are like a couple in a 244 year marriage. They’ve been through some shit! Slavery, prohibition, 9/11, etc. That’s the equivalent of like domestic abuse, banging the pool boy, and having your son little Timmy get kidnapped because you forgot to pick him up from swim practice.
So what would a couple in that situation do? Would they just keep sticking it out? No! Of course not! We’re in an unhappy relationship. It’s time for a DIVORCE!
The United States needs to divorce itself from… itself.
I know. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “this is as dumb as the time Patrick said to PUSH Bikini Bottom somewhere else to escape the giant worm”. But you know what? Patrick’s idea worked!
This election highlighted the difference between RED and BLUE more than any other. It’s not race. It’s not wealth. It’s rural vs. urban! Obviously more goes into it than that, but the data does show rural folks like the republicans, and urban hipsters like the democrats.
So why can’t we have our cake and eat it too? Just split up.
Why is there such a huge emphasis on “America is the greatest country. We must stick TOGETHER!” You don’t see us saying that to Canada or Mexico. We let them do their shit and we do ours. There’s nothing binding us aside from history and man-made geographical lines.
The rural people can have no mask rules, refuse immigrants, and ban abortion, while the urbans can do the opposite. And there’d be no singular president. The democrats can have Biden be their guy and the Republicans can have Trump (or whoever they want).
You wouldn’t even move anyone. Everyone would stay where they are. Your city or county or whatever would just vote what party you want to be and boom, that’s what rule you follow. And if your place votes one way and you want the other, either suck it up and adapt, or go somewhere that thinks like you.
Would we still be the United States of America? Sure. Frankly I don’t think it matters. We’re two groups of people sharing one big land. You stay in your yard and I’ll stay in mine. And if you’re a dem but you want to visit Nashville for a fun weekend, you just go knowing the rules are a little different.
There. That’s it. Problem solved. I don’t get what the fuss is about. Vote for Sam. Gift of gab!