Last night I lost $650 playing 1/2 NL and $250 betting on the Miami Heat. Why?

For starters, I played poorly. The players weren’t better than me per say, but when I had it they folded, and when I was bluff catching I was missing. Often. Like every time. The night ended when I called a $47 bet from a terrible character after he tripped up on the river beating my top pair. I knew I was beat. I knew it. This session was a combo of poor play, bad luck, and I’ll delve into the feeling of losing later.

The Heat bet was ridiculous. I know nothing about basketball and when I made the bet I laughed to myself because I said, “everyone will be taking the Bucks because of Giannis, such easy money.” Giannis gets hurt early and they still win by 30. This bet was downright horrible and I ask myself why did I make it? Why didn’t I bet $50 instead of $250? What reasoning did I have making this bet at all other than looking for action that you don’t even care about.

I spoke with a smarter person than me who said that life isn’t about the destination, but the journey. I don’t believe, anymore, that you’ll wake up one day and say, “I did it.” I don’t have this mystical feeling like I have it all figured out. I’m more confused now than I’ve ever been because the possibilities of what I can achieve are endless to the point that I’m not even sure what to do. This is why I fill the time with pointless activities like golf, bowling, and gambling. Unfortunately, they are not fulfilling.

So today, I have nothing scheduled and this is also bad. Boredom is worse than active. I’ll go to the gym. I’ll clean my house. I’ll wait until the LPGA Thailand comes on so I can hit a 250-1 shot who is currently leading by 4. This is the first chance I’ve gotten to do nothing in weeks. After this it’s tradeshow in a Dallas, tradeshow in Munich, trip to the UK, trip to Vegas. Most people would be ecstatic with the opportunity and it gets lost when it becomes the norm. It still gets back to the journey rather than an end point. I remember reading in Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari that it’s best to be like a leaf in the wind and see where life takes you because you’re only along for the ride and it’s best to go with the flow. I try to do this, but it’s easy to question why you are the way you are. What makes you feel like you’re making progress if there is no end point?