When a Hobby Becomes an Addiction

I’m Sam and I’m addicted to blitz chess.

Chess is my biggest hobby. In chess everyone has a rating in order to pair you with someone of similar skill. On chess.com, you gain 8 points if you win, and you lose 8 points if you lose.

My rating a few days ago was 1934. That is very high for me (and 99th percentile on the site!). There are certain benchmarks that players like to hit. 2000 blitz was never something I thought I’d achieve when I began playing years ago. But lately, it’s felt within reach.

Then addiction took over.

The “productive” way to play chess is to take your time, review your games after you play, and if you lose more than 3 games in a row, take a break. But when addiction has a grip on you, that’s not what happens. Instead, you hit “play again” without thinking. When this happens, you’re not even really playing, you’re just reacting. This leads to bad chess.

Desperate in my quest for 2000, I lost the forest for the trees. I stayed up an hour later than I planned just to get more games in. Demoralized after losing rating, I’d sneak in games when I really shouldn’t have been playing, which lead to more losing. “I’m so much better than these people! If I can just get back to 1800 I’ll be fine.“. I didn’t need to think, I just needed to keep playing. That is the addict’s mindset in every area of life. I sit today at 1760.

I didn’t forget how to play chess. Instead, I fell for the addiction trap that is so prevalent in society today. I did the chess equivalent of chasing losses on Fanduel blackjack or doomscrolling Instagram for an hour. After each session I’d say “that was such a waste of time, why did I do that!“, yet a few hours later, I was playing again. Sadly this is the preferred outcome for these apps – continuous, unchecked use.

I removed the app from my phone today. Not because I’m quitting chess, but because the phone facilitates the addiction. I need a mental reset. I need to remember that I play chess because I enjoy it, not because I’m trying to hit some rating. As with all things in life, enjoy the process and the results will come. Don’t fall prey to the addiction trap like I did.