One day you wake up and you’re 42 years old. You can’t pinpoint where the 15,430 days went, you just know they are gone. You wonder “how did I get here?”.
I felt this way this morning wondering if I’ve been putting my head down all these years existing instead of living. Then I think that I’ll be in AC this weekend, Connecticut next week, the Netherlands, Belgium, and Germany after that, and then the UK in May. Is that living or passing time?
Most people don’t have the means to stop and think if they are living. There’s family, bills, mental health, and “life” that are more important. It’s also easy to get caught up in political issues that you think you can make a difference in. Watch this clip and it helps to put global issues in perspective.
I have chosen the safest path. This was what “I” decided was best. Did I decide this was best? I don’t think I’ll have to worry about safety, pain, or survival for the rest of my life (hopefully). I created a routine of building a business that constantly demands more. I also have this internal drive that tells me I need more because I keep wanting to do more.
I’m considering ideas like creating other businesses. One that I’d have more fun doing. My feeling is this would propel me into other areas of life that I’ve been missing because I’ve been consumed with this one goal which is sustaining / growing a family legacy of 175 years.
Which is why I get frustrated when we have business talks and we ask, “what are your business goals?” For the most part, I’ve accomplished my business goals. I continue because I’m good at it. Those goals are paper goals. The bigger question is what would happen if I stopped?
To people who read that question they don’t understand how one gets to this position. It’s not by “stopping”. It’s actually the complete opposite, by proving you get shit done well. So you can stop and drop the dozens, if not hundreds, of contacts cold, but it’s not as simple as people sitting on the couch make it out to be. Let’s argue it’s easy to stop. What would you do?
This brings me to the humanity effort. I’ve lived selfishly for a long time. I try not to depend on people and have high expectations on performance. This combination leads to a lonely existence. Yet, I live honestly and richly. I have plenty of friends and rarely spend my time dawdling. I have the means to help people. Not like a charity or religion which I find dishonest, but a way that I can feel useful by helping.
I see the gray hairs in my beard and know that the corner has turned. Like I’ve spent enough time and acquired the brunt of knowledge I need to be successful in any venture I attempt. There’s no fear. Only what is going to keep me the most fulfilled. A lot of time I feel empty because I’m busy but nothing is expanding. Or it takes such a long time the patience is thin. The more resources I’ve gathered though, the more flexibility I “think” I feel. That is the Catch-22 and the difficult balancing act.
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